Hi! It’s been a while. I haven’t really felt like I had much to say, or I’ve had things to say, but it was a lot of the same thing, over and over. My people came home from Dallas a few months ago so my slacking off in the gym and eating dept was over. I was horrified to say the least about how much weight I gained while they were gone. 20 pounds. Scratch that, make it 21. I think it’s wrong how incredibly easy it is to put weight on, but A LOT of hard work to get it off. It’s like super velco…not wanting to go anywhere. Anyway…I’ve been stuck in a range of 402-410 for the past month. Saying I was frustrated was putting it mildly. I was at the end of my rope a few times, tears were shed (shock, surprise!), and just felt like an overall failure. A) because I not only fell off the wagon, I managed to get run over it and B) I had lost the weight already and I didn’t seem like I could get there again. (that’s a frustration all in itself – having to lose it twice) So, I’ve struggled with trying to get rid of this weight. I’ve kept up with my workouts in the gym and even went back to my two a days. Nothing. Now I will tell you that I didn’t make the greatest food choices during this time. I let old habits sort of slip in. Sort of my butt. There were definite days I ate some feelings. That has to account for the scale not going down. While I was struggling with eating better, I was feeling frustrated at the gym. A lot of the exercises I do are still modified. During this time I’ve been working out with very fit people. They were getting ready for a competition and doing these crazy hard workouts and while I would do them too, they were modified for me. I still can’t do a box jump (my feet will not get off the ground at the same time!), jump rope, etc. I remember one day we were going through one of the WOD’s they would be doing at the competition and I didn’t time mine. That was my undoing that day. Immediately teared up and left soon after that. I think it was more a culmination of things than just not recording my time although I am ticked I don’t know how long it took me to complete it. I like to know so when I do it again, I have a time to beat.
While I was in this funk, or whatever, I thought about what it would be like to quit. Like actually quit going to the gym. That in itself is a terrible thought. Thinking about it now puts knots in my stomach. Realistically I know I won’t quit, but I thought at the time is it worth all the frustration and struggle? The answer is – yes. It’s completely worth all of the modified workouts, tears, sweat, etc. I don’t ever want to end back up at over 500 pounds. Never. I know I’m not going to allow myself to eat myself to death. In talking to my sister about all of this, she suggested possibly going back to the basics and writing everything down that I eat and having accountability. Jake’s mentioned before about starting something like that at the gym. Getting a group together, meet once a week, and discuss not just nutrition but frustrations, what’s working, what isn’t, things like that. Basically, building a community of friends that you can tap in to in our journey. The name is Waist Management. Saturdays at 8 and then you can stay after and join in on the boot camp. If you live in OKC, you should come and check it out. I will tell you this – Public speaking has never been something I wanted to do, but if it’s helping others and also a help to myself, I’ll give it a shot. It’s not going to kill me, so why not? It’s just another tool to use in helping me lose weight. Speaking of that weight – I did it! After all this time of not getting the scale to move in the downward position, it finally did this week. I stepped on the scale yesterday afternoon and it started at 399 but stopped at 400. Woo Hoo! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I didn’t mention it to anyone for fear it was a fluke but this morning when I got on there, it was 400 even. I have finally made it past the 402+. Now to keep up the momentum and get the rest of this weight off.
Even though you can get discouraged, frustrated, angry, whatever – stick with it. You are worth it and it’s not going to be that way forever. You are more than a conqueror.
Also – I had my 6 month diabetic appointment and let me tell you this sports fans….I have managed to lower my A1C number again! In March of 2013 it was 6.8 and it has gone down a little each time. Last week – my number is at 5.3! Woot, woot. My cholesterol is still perfect and every other test ran was awesome too. That right there is another reason to keep at it.
Have a great day! Talk to you soon.