One week done!

Day 7 of training

October 29, 2013

 I’m still feeling terrible because I am focusing on all the wrong things. I can’t believe______________. Blah, blah, blah. The day before Jake mentioned he’d like me to do hydrostatic testing because it’s the true measure of weight I would be losing. He explained that the scale won’t always reflect an accurate number of pounds lost because as I’m losing fat, I’m also building muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat, but is denser than fat. Makes sense to me. I received a call from Mercy Fitness about the testing and the lady on the phone informed me she wouldn’t be able to help because their chair only went to 200 pounds. Or 200 and something. In the back of my mind I was thinking, well then who could do the test? I politely thanked her for calling me, hung up, and let it get to me. Here’s another thing to add to my sadness about being as big as I am. Really I just let the day before and this phone call completely ruin my day. Tearing up at work, watery phone calls with my sisters, you name it, I was a mess. I was even embarrassed about going to the gym that day. I couldn’t seem to get out of my own head. Oh! I was also going to my Dr’s office to weigh that afternoon. I was nervous but really wanted to see where I was. I left work early, drove to the office, and got on a scale. This scale wasn’t the ‘normal’ one I usually use and when I stepped on it, it gave me the exact same number from three months before! What??! My feet weren’t fitting all the way on there so I got off of it and asked to use the one I have always used. Stepped right up, numbers calculated, and viola! I now weigh 484 pounds. This is great news! I started this year not even being able to get an accurate weight because the scale only goes to 500 pounds. Now here I am and I can weigh. It’s not a great number, but I’ll take it! I drive to the gym not really feeling jazzy because I’m worried about my fat making more noise. I walk in trying to put a smile on my face but it’s not really working. Drew and Jake are there and me. Drew is on his way out when I get there and Jake looks at me and asks what’s wrong. I tell him I don’t want to say because I’ll just start crying and I’m tired of always crying in front of him. He says, “Well let’s cry. Tell me what’s going on.” Naturally the water works start. I tell him about the phone call from Mercy and how it just seems like one more thing with this damn weight. I also tell him it’s more my mental weight that was bothering me that day than physical weight. I can’t get out of my own head. I didn’t want to, but I also told him about the day before. I told him I was so embarrassed to even bring it up but he told me I should never be embarrassed around him. Then, Jake being the nice guy he is, tells me it isn’t always going to be like this. The weight is going to go away and that I need to picture myself thinner. I need to focus on the bigger picture and see myself how I’m going to look when I’ve reached my goal and not even just then. Picture how I’m going to look 6 months to a year from now. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to look pretty spectacular! He really is a great trainer. Not just physically but mentally as well. I’m sure he’s been there before with other clients. Can I tell you all how thankful I really am that God has put me in this place in my life? I am exactly where I need to be. Not just need, but want. God is great. The rest of the workout is amazing and even though I am winded and stretched to my limits physically, my mood has completely changed by the time I leave for the day. I’m back to my old self of feeling accomplished and knowing that I’m doing the right thing. I know it’s probably going to get harder, but for right now, I’ll take it. I just have to keep in mind that I have an army of support out there who wants nothing more than to see me succeed. 

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