To cruise or not to cruise…

I was offered a cruise. A free one. All I had to have was spending cash. It would stop in Jamaica, Grand Caymans, and Mexico. I couldn’t believe it. It all came about the day before my birthday, last week. I received a facebook message from a friend of mine asking for my number because she had an exciting and spontaneous question to ask me. Number was given and I received one of the most unexpected calls of my life. The friends had been following my weight loss journey on facebook and were so inspired that it was leading them to eat better. Not only were they inspired, they wanted to say ‘thank you’ with a free, 7 day cruise to Jamaica. I really couldn’t believe it. I was stunned to say the least. Immediately I thought of “i’m going to miss working out! but think of all the things I can photograph”. I agreed to go and even put in for the time off at work. (I rarely use my vacation time) I was definitely caught up in the excitement and unexpectedness of it all. I told work friends, personal friends, and family. Everyone was shocked and excited. I was too but also worried about being away from the gym for 7 whole days. I pushed that thought aside and started thinking about what sort of clothes I had that I could take. (not much)

My thoughts were cruise consumed. Cruising, working out, not over eating, etc. When I first told Jake he said he could come up with a program for me to follow at sea. Whew! I didn’t want to impose but that made me feel a little bit better. A couple of days later I was talking to him again about some stuff and the cruise and he told me he didn’t have a good feeling about this trip. Not like anything ominous was going to happen, just that I have this momentum going at the gym right now because for the first time since I started, all my injuries are healed and I am working out harder. I didn’t come right out and say it but I was nervous too. Gaining weight when you’re trying to lose is devastating. At least for me. I kept telling myself that I didn’t think I would overeat on the ship, but come on people. You’re at sea for 7 days and you have access to food whenever you want. Of course I have that here at home too but I think the difference for me is I wouldn’t have the accountability that I have here and at home I’m doing the cooking and cleaning. No bueno. Anyway, we talked a little more and I was going to pray and see if this is what I should be doing or not at this point in my life. I talked to Kristi about it and she agreed with Jake. Let me tell you guys, it was a rough night and day before I made my final decision. One mistake was asking everyone’s opinion. Everyone’s! Half over here said wait, don’t go now. The other half said I would be crazy if I didn’t. If you don’t know anything about me you should know I’m a people pleaser. I didn’t/don’t want to let anyone down. I felt like whatever decision I made would piss someone off. So the following day I spoke to Jake again, or more like bawled (again!) in his office while he listened. I didn’t and don’t feel like I should be going on this trip. While it is an incredibly generous and thoughtful thing to have offered, it’s not my time to go right now. I think I would have a much better experience if I were to go at a smaller size and when I’m in a better mindset about food. (whenever that happens.)

Can I tell you that once I made that decision, I was at peace with it. I was nervous telling my friends, who consequently, aren’t speaking to me right now. I get it. Sort of. I understand the hurt but would hope they would be encouraging about staying behind to continue this healthy journey of my life. It’s okay. I don’t regret the decision I made. It was the best one for me and as long as I am okay with it, that’s really all that matters.

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