Paying off.

April 30, 2014

I know I say this all the time, but I can’t believe how much I’ve changed since last year. I can’t believe I made it to 40. I am pretty sure I was on a path to eating myself to death. Actually I know I was on that path. It’s a slow process but I worried all the time about what I was doing to myself. Granted, I wasn’t worried enough to make over all changes, but I was worried that I wouldn’t make it to 40. My doctor would tell me that losing as little as 11-15 pounds could keep me from getting Type 2 diabetes. That worried me, but not enough to make changes. There is a family history of diabetes so I know what it can do to you. Still I didn’t really make any changes. I told myself I would, but didn’t. Then I got that call saying I was in fact diabetic. I was crushed but more to the point I was so pissed at myself. Pissed because this was something that I had done. Something I could have prevented (probably). That was March 2013. So I started making changes. I contacted my aunt who is diabetic and asked for her advice. I met with her and got a wealth of information. That’s something too…look up diabetes on the internet and you are flooded with information on counting carbs, what to eat, what not to eat, do this, don’t do that, etc. It is overwhelming to say the least. Okay, so here I am armed with information about how to start eating better and maintain a healthy blood sugar. I start making changes. Changes to the way I eat, being conscientious about carbs, watching my sugar levels, and checking said levels. I started losing weight! I was on a roll.

Then I wasn’t. I don’t know when I slacked off, but I did. It wasn’t a huge change or a drastic measure. I would just eat a little (or a lot) more, have this dessert, or eat that potato. My weight loss slowed or I gained, which I’m not sure because I hadn’t weighed. I’ll say gained because I could tell in my clothes. During this time I didn’t really have great weight loss. My weight at the first of the year was over 500 pounds. That’s have of 1000. That’s embarrassing to write. I had let myself go so much that I was closer to 1000 pounds than I was away from it. I don’t know what my weight was exactly because the scale stopped at 500. People are not supposed to weigh 500. I’m guessing I was probably around 530. It’s just a guess, but I’m sure it’s more accurate than not. The last time I weighed at the doctor I was at 492. That was back in September. When I met Jake and started at the gym, the first time I weighed on the scale (at the Dr’s.) I was at 484. That was, I believe, my second week there so that’s the number I use to gauge my weight loss since starting at Balance. Which as of today, is 55 pounds lost! (101 since last March!) It has been hard, frustrating, full of doubt, one injury after another, and fraught with a lot of tears. I mean a lot! Ask Jake. I’m pretty sure he was worried for a long time when he would talk to me because I would tear up or do the ugly cry. His office is well stocked with Kleenex. 🙂

I’m saying all of this because after 6 months of intense workouts and eating better, (so much better!) I am finally seeing the results for myself. I’ve know for a while that I was/am losing weight because my clothes are looser and people have commented but now I have noticed the change in me physically. Looking in the mirror I can tell that I am smaller than I used to be and I am marveling at how small my face is becoming. I can see that I do in fact have a pretty face. Clothes are downright baggy on me and need to be retired, I can breathe easier, walk easier, do life easier. I still have an intense road ahead. My goal right now is to lose an additional 100 pounds by October 21st. That’s 18.5 lbs a month. Easy. Well, not easy but I’ve done it before, I’m doing it now, and I will continue to do it. My ultimate goal is to make it to 200lbs. If it drops into the 100’s, man I can’t even imagine. I can sort of picture myself at a much smaller weight, but not really. I’ve never been small – always overweight. I am excited about the changes in my life. The relationship I’m forming with God. My only regrets are that I waited this long to enjoy His word and take better care of myself. I still have my issues. I’m not comfortable working out in front of mirrors. I still have fat that slaps together. Will that ever go away? Haha. I still get nervous on weigh in days. I even commented on Monday to Jake if there was something I could bribe him with? But I did it and was even down a pound. Woo Hoo. When it’s good numbers it’s all I can do to contain myself and not bum rush him with a hug or something. Usually we high five. It not only makes me excited for myself, but for him as well. He’s put in a lot of time and effort to get me here and he is due all the credit. It’s good to see that all your hard work is paying off and will continue to pay off. To know firsthand that your time spent has been and is worth it.

To finally see that eating all that chicken and veggies, working out twice a day and on Saturday, all the sweat, tears, frustration, elation, embarrassment, etc is paying off…now that is really something.

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