Yo-Yo, Yo!

Man…what is it about the weekends that can completely derail all of the hard work that I accomplish through the week? Lose, eat like crap, gain…only to lose, eat like crap, gain. Do you know how impossibly frustrating it is to keep losing the same damn weight I have already lost? Not to mention that it probably feels like a smack in the face to my trainer. I would have already been to my next goal had I not gone back and forth, back and forth. Yo-yo. That’s a toy, not a successful way to lose weight. I was at 422, celebrated some birthdays a couple of weekends ago, weighed on Monday and I was at 426. Holy smokes. I felt sick. It still makes me feel ill thinking about it. By that Friday I was at 420. (No not that 420.) Only to celebrate Memorial Day with the entire weekend and when I weighed again on Tuesday, I was back to 422. Good grief! It might be different if I didn’t know what to do, but I know exactly what to do. I know what I should be eating to lose weight. Part of it is that I get burnt out on chicken and jump at the chance for a juicy hamburger. While hamburgers aren’t bad and I could eat one, I also pair it with baked beans, potato salad, a hot dog, and another hamburger patty. That’s what I ate in one night. Oh and did I forget to mention I had seconds on the beans and potato salad? I did. Then instead of eating the cupcake, I made a couple of s’mores. Not because it was any less fattening. Goodness. That was the weekend of the 4 pound weight gain. Last weekend it was chips and queso, cookies, brisket, cookies, alcohol, more cookies…I was a touch more mindful of what I was putting in my mouth, but not enough to skip the crap. I guess I don’t want to always have to think about what I’m eating. I want to have fun and eat like everyone else. Unfortunately, I’m not everyone else’s size. And I have a problem with food and wanting to eat it all. Especially the really bad for you crap that seems to taste really good at the time until you weigh and it’s not food. I know I’ll get there. I’ve done it before. I’m just tired of the up and down and losing the same pounds that I’ve already lost. Before. Maybe it’s ticked me off for the last time so this weekend when I start to put something crappy in my mouth I’ll remember all the sweat and hard work it takes to even lose just one pound. I’m not going to reach my goals if I keep going back and revisiting evicted weight.

Speaking of weight, what is really remarkable in this post and possibly others, is how free I am to mention what I weigh. I don’t mind telling people, you, what I weigh. I used to. It used to embarrass the shit out of me because I had allowed myself to get so big. Hot tears of humiliation anytime I stood on the scale. (Imagine that…me and tears! Ha) Now I know that I’m not staying at that number. I know it’s just a temporary stop on my way to an even smaller number. A number that I don’t ever really remember weighing. I know at one point on my way to bigtown I was that size. I just don’t remember. It seems like I’ve been really overweight my entire life. While that’s not okay, the important thing right now is to remember and know that I am not settling. I’m going to continue on towards my goal. Even with these past weekend set backs. I am going to be a success.

No more yo-yo for me. Unless it’s made by Duncan and I bought it at the store. 🙂

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