I’m breaking up with you. I’d like to say it’s not you, it’s me, but that isn’t the case. I’ve been in a destructive relationship with you for as long as I can remember and I’m done. Over. I’ve listened to your lies for the last time. You have promises of making me feel better, this time it will be better, but we both know that’s crap. I’ve allowed you to disrupt my life for the last time. I thought there was a time when I could trust you and I was wrong. I think you meant well, but I can’t trust myself around you. You are toxic. Honestly, you aren’t 100% toxic, but you definitely have some friends that I cannot be around. You know who they are – Gravy, Bread, Chips, etc. I guess I can’t put all the blame on you. I have to take responsibility for my part in this abusive pattern. I put too much faith or hope in the fact that this time will be different. This time I won’t look to you to make me feel better. This time I can resist your ‘charm’. Most of the time I am successful but this past week, I failed. In epic proportions. I know we go way back to when I was younger. You’ve been my ‘friend’ my entire life. 40 years is a long time to be with something. If it’s good, more power to you. If it’s bad, 40 years is a life sentence without the possibility of parole. I have hidden myself behind you for so long, I don’t even recognize myself. However, I was given a life line about 9 months ago. I started to see myself outside of your shadow. I made friends with your healthy counterparts. Fresh Veggies, Chicken, Eggs, Water. We became fast friends and I really like them. They like me too. 🙂 Somehow you always seem to try and wiggle your way back into my life. There are times when I can resist you like no one’s business. Other times, such as this week, I almost come running back. Is it because I’m not worth it? It has been a rough couple of weeks and instead of listening to your good friends, I jumped head first into the gravy boat. I know they say one unhealthy meal won’t make you fat just like one healthy meal won’t make you fit, but I found myself dipping into the toxic pool on more than one occassion this week. I know I’m better than to let you talk me into bad situations. I’m worth more than what your gravy has to offer. I want to live a better life and I can’t do that with you around.
So the next time you try and sneak into my life I’ll be ready. I’ll remember this week and how I gained 4 pounds hanging around with you. I’ll remember the goals I have for myself and turn my back when you flaunt crap in my face. I’ll remember the disappointment I feel today because I let myself be swayed by emotions instead of going in the other direction. I’m taking away any power I have given you in the past and I’m going to give that power to myself and know that I am worth all of the good that is going on in my life. I know I’m not a number on a scale and as hard as that is to believe that right this very minute, there are better days ahead. I’m going to conquer you and not believe the lies. I’m done listening to you. Instead I’m going to listen to God and what He says about me. I’m going to listen to my family and friends. More importantly I’m going to listen to myself and know that I am a person of extreme value and significance.
Good bye crappy food and bad decisions.