409

That’s what I weigh right now. 409lbs. That’s horrifying. Why is it? Because in September I weighed in at 388. That’s a 21 pound weight GAIN in two months. Do you know how much work has to go in to losing 21 pounds because I do. Do you know how quickly you can gain that lost weight back? I do. You have shitty things happen in your life and you lose focus. My Nana passed away on November 8th and I comforted myself for a week (or more) with funeral food, casseroles, sweets, boneless wings, sliced sausages, etc. You name it, if it was at the house, I ate it. It didn’t even have to be at home – eating anywhere, I was not eating ‘right’.  Honestly, I can’t even ‘blame’ the weight gain on the funeral food. I wasn’t eating great before then and I had slacked off in a big way at the gym. I quit going in the mornings and wasn’t really committed in the afternoons. I’d like to say it’s because my trainer has temporarily moved to Dallas and isn’t in the gym pushing me. But he isn’t the one losing weight.  In reality – those are all excuses. It’s my own fault that I’ve gained 21 fucking pounds. I let my mental self interfere with my physical self. It’s stunning how easy it is to gain weight when it takes you so very long to lose it.

My trainer was in town this past week and I was talking to him Monday about how I know I’ve gained weight but I wasn’t panicked because I know I’ll lose it. Then I quietly stepped on the scale and was immediately horrified. I planned on not telling a soul because A. I didn’t want to see that look on their faces. You know the one that shows disappointment or their own horrified reaction. and B. because I was just ashamed of putting that much weight on in such a short amount of time. But you know what – if I am as honest as I have been about losing weight, I need to be just as honest in the tough times and gaining weight. So I told people. My sisters, Mom, co-workers, friends, and my trainer. I don’t want to disappoint these people, but more importantly, I don’t want to disappoint myself so I told them to keep myself accountable. Not so they can police my food (please don’t! That’s a good way to piss me off) but so if I’m offered something tasty and on my personal list of foods to avoid, they will know why. And possibly not offer those tasty delights. Ha! Losing weight is a struggle. It is not easy. If it was, there wouldn’t be an obesity epidemic. The weight loss industry wouldn’t rake in billions of dollars each year. I’ve learned that I cannot just work out and eat whatever. I cannot eat right and not work out. For me, I have to do both. Eat better and work out. There is no either/or. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done and I’m re-committed to eating the way I did before September. I’m back in the gym full time. Right now my goal is making it to the gym everyday. Once that’s back on track, I’ll go back to two a days. I’m back to eating what I’m supposed to…and whoa, right before Thanksgiving? Smart. Haha…Although I did have pizza last night for dinner. Poor planning and waiting until I was beyond hungry to eat something. I did have a salad with it, so that has to add a plus in my favor. Right? 🙂

I just want you all to know that it’s not all roses and sunshine when you’re losing weight. It’s not easy and there are pitfalls and downsides. But it’s the getting back up when you’ve fallen down that is important. Don’t stay down. Take a minute, breathe deep, and get your ass back on track. So tomorrow when the country is using Thanksgiving as an excuse to eat like it’s their job, I’ll have a taste of this and a taste of that, but I will spend more time out of the kitchen talking with family and friends than I will be with filling my plate. Isn’t that the point of the holiday anyway? Being thankful for the people you have in your life? Not eating until you pass out in a food coma.

So, there it is party people. The not so pretty truth. Just remember – even though things happen and life gets in your way, don’t let it keep you there. Dust yourself off and get back to eating your chicken and veggies.

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