Figuring it out.

Hi party people! Happy Wednesday to ya. How is everyone in internet-land? I’m doing alright. Actually, scratch that, I’m doing great. I’m over my melt down from the other day and in a better, re-focused, frame of mind. You know when you’re in a crazy place or maybe stressful is a better word, it’s hard to see the positive aspects. It takes a minute, or in my case, overnight, to see things in a better light. I was bummed (heartbroken) about not really being able to workout. What I should have been focusing on was using this time to focus on eating correctly. It’s going to be beneficial not just to myself, but to others. I’m studying to be a personal trainer (!!!) and if I have crappy/less than stellar eating habits, how can I help someone with theirs? Do as I say, not as I do? Not a great reflection. And I can still do arm workouts so I’m not totally out of the loop. I really like the relationships I’ve built there and I really do enjoy working out. Crazy I know! So, while I can’t lift weights right now (boo!), I can work on other facets of being healthy and losing weight. (No more tears…well for right now. Sorry Jake!) Thanks to everyone who listened to me cry, whine, stress out, be unhappy, etc this past week. You are all priceless to me. Always.

Other news that has me happy and dancing in the streets – I have a lap! I was at the doctor yesterday and while I was waiting for him to come in the room, I looked down and notice I have a lap! Holy shit. It completely caught me by surprise. I quickly grabbed my phone, snapped a picture, and uploaded it to Instagram and Facebook. It’s one of those things that probably doesn’t phase the everyday person, but a huge accomplishment to someone who hasn’t had a lap in, oh I don’t know….ever? It’s these little things that amount to big things. Crossing my legs without thinking about it. Not getting winded putting on my shoes (that’s sad!). Walking around, keeping up with others, and not gasping for breath all at the same time. Wearing clothes in much smaller sizes. These have all happened and it blows my mind each time I notice it. It’s joyful and makes me thankful for everything.

Going back to my doctor visit – I have a foot/ankle injury that I’ve ignored or pushed aside for quite a while. (about a year) I’ve been to the doctor, got referred to another doctor, had an MRI, a few x-rays, and ended up with a great doctor. He very matter of fact told me I needed to have surgery and it was going to completely rock my world and turn it upside down. This was around the end of summer last year or something like that. I told him I didn’t want to do anything that was going to keep me from working out so we pushed the surgery back a while. And have kept pushing it back because it meant being off my foot, no weight bearing AT ALL, for at least 3 months. Three months?!?! He thought he was going to have to fuse my foot and all this other stuff, but at yesterday’s appointment he doesn’t think he’ll have to do a fusion after all!!! Woot, woot! He’ll just have to clean up the bone fragments, bone spurs, do some scoping and that’s it. So we’re looking at being off my foot for 3 weeks instead of months. Hallelujah, praise Jesus.  The only drawback on the foot surgery is that I have to fix my knee first. What? My knee. Yep. On the same leg no less! I really don’t know what I’ve done to injure it, but I haven’t been smart and I’ve continued to work out only to make it worse. I’m a bit hard headed. This past Saturday took the cake and rest assured, I’m not doing anything that involves over working my knees. (Hence only doing arm stuff in the gym) I have my knee appointment on the 19th and I’ll know something more at that time. Maybe there’s just some cartilage floating around in there that needs to be removed. Easy, peasy. Then we’ll get the foot taken care of and I’ll be good as new!  While it’s been an inconvenience I know how much worse it could be. I am very blessed in the fact that I can still walk, move around, all that good stuff. It’s just a minor set back and I can deal with it gracefully.

Losing weight isn’t an overnight achievement. It takes time. It’s multifaceted and a lot of damn work. It’s a lot to figure out but one thing I know and have figured out is – It’s so completely worth it.

1 year, 4 months, 16 days…

That’s how long I’ve been going to the gym. Or, that’s the time between when I started and today. 10/21/2013 to 3/9/2015. 504 days (505 if you actually count today). A lot has happened in that time and yet it seems like not much has changed. I’ve lost weight, gained some of it back, and lost it again. I’ve gained confidence and had self doubt. I’ve met great people and made changes in my life that I’ll carry with me forever. In February of this year I enrolled to become a personal trainer. It still blows my mind to think how much I’ve come to enjoy fitness. Not just enjoy it, but to actually make a career out of it…mind boggling. It hasn’t been easy, but as they say, nothing worth having is easy. There has been an inordinate amount of frustration, mostly in the past few months. I gained a bit of weight back (21lbs to be exact), and it’s taken almost 3 months to lose it again. I haven’t lost it all but I’m down to 398 and still plugging away. Frustration at the injuries I’ve sustained. I’m sure I’ve talked about my foot/ankle before so that’s nothing new. I’ve been putting off surgery until I lose more weight. (that time might be up.) In the past few weeks I’ve injured my knee. It’s a mystery as to how it happened. I had an MRI last Monday and I’m waiting to hear about the results. Impatiently waiting. If I don’t hear anything tomorrow, I’m calling someone to bug for answers. I’ve been hard headed in working out injured. I’ve tried to figure it out the past couple of days as to why I haven’t made the smartest decisions and I haven’t really come up with anything. My back has been sore for a week or so and that’s affected my time in the gym. I seem to be falling apart and yet I know I could be a lot worse off. There is someone out there that has it worse than I do. My stuff is fixable. A surgery here or there and I’ll be good as new. Believe me when I say, I know how blessed I am. Truly.

With the injuries I have and the limitations it’s put on what I can really do in the gym, I am thinking I need to take a break with working out and work on healing. Nothing about that sentence makes me happy. Well, maybe the healing part. Ha! The part that doesn’t make me happy is taking time away from the gym. My home away from home. I’m nervous about getting out of my routine. I don’t want to miss out on the happenings at the gym. I’ve grown to love that place and I know I’ll miss it. Yes, I know it’s not forever, just until everything works properly again and I can work out without doing further damage. Being away will have me focusing more on eating correctly and I know I need that. Especially to stay in line with losing weight. Going there twice a day has become such a huge part of my life that I’m not sure how to not go there.

It’s been 12,096 hours, 725,760 minutes, 43,545,600 seconds…