Full Disclosure.

I am gaining weight. Rapidly. It’s no surprise, at least to me. And if you’ve seen me recently, it’s not a surprise to you either.  I’ve completely abandoned all of my ‘good habits’ and have reverted to the way I used to eat. Maybe not 100% of the way, but enough to wear I’m back in my really fat shirts. The ones I was wearing when I started at the gym. If I keep on the way I’m going, I’m not going to have any pants to wear because A. I can’t afford new clothes right now and B. My smaller pants are getting tighter. I know when it all started. I had surgery September 30, 2016. I started off okay but then not wanting to be any more of a burden than I already felt like I was, I made it easier with meals. Whoever was preparing them or picking up, I went with it. It starts innocently enough and then before you know it, BOOM! Weight is creeping back, back is starting to not feel great, bending over is becoming a bitch again. I’m now to the point where it’s hard to reach my feet easily. What the fuck?! I have to have additional surgery that’s going to rock my world again (although this time I know just how crazy it’s going to be) and I need to curb this shit right now. It’s also rude with the Facebook memories from previous years to see what I was doing a year or two ago and I’m not doing the same things now. Okay, I get it. 🙂 Not to mention,  I miss it. A lot. So, while I have to try and find exercise I can do that doesn’t impact my foot, hahaha!, find it I will. It’s back to chicken and veggies. I know what to do. I can get back on track. I’ll stop beating myself up and just get back with the program. There are family members that are eating better these days so it’s now a family affair. Even if it wasn’t or they weren’t, I will. I have to. I’ve worked to hard to completely fall apart now.

Why I wanted to quit and other such nonsense.

Did you know I wanted to quit? Quit training, quit helping others, quit the gym. Just up and quit. I should give you the back story that brought me to this thought. Remember how I said back in March (I need to get better at blogging) that I was studying to become a personal trainer? Well, I took the test on 6/9 and failed it. By 5 stupid points. 5 points! Focus…Needless to say, I was devastated when I saw the “did not pass” on the results page. It was to date, the absolute hardest test I’ve ever taken. And I had an extremely tough Biology teacher at Langston. The upside is that I know what to expect when I take it again. I questioned even taking it again. I allowed this test to shatter my confidence and doubt whether I should even continue with training. It was all downhill after that. I was in the middle of a pretty good pity party, depressed, and just ready to give up. I talked a little bit about it with my sisters and I’m sure they were worried. I know they were because they said as much. All it took was one trigger from not passing to start a snowball of doubt. It’s amazing (or crazy) how quickly you (I) can lose focus on what’s good when you only focus on the negative. When your focus is on the stuff you can’t do or didn’t do instead of the good you are accomplishing. I’m definitely way to hard on myself. I think people in general are too hard on themselves. Kristi read something she found on Pinterest. The cliff notes version is this – picture yourself at 5. How would you protect her, right her wrongs, take care of her, wipe her tears, make sure she had fun, provide a loving place, etc…Now…why don’t we do the same when we are adults? You’re just as important at 35 (40, 41, etc) as you are at 5. When I started interning, I forgot about myself and focused on the client. Focusing on the client is good, but you can’t forget yourself. I had almost stopped working out all together. I did a half ass workout here and there, but nothing of real consequence. Okay, maybe two really good workouts, but that’s it. I because all about taking care of others and ignoring me. No bueno.

The other night I was talking to a client and she had some really nice things to say about me. Do you have a hard time accepting compliments too? Anyway, she talked about how much I encouraged her, and because of me, she’s sticking with her workouts and really feels she’s improving. Which she is. It’s awesome to see how far she’s come from where she was at when she started. Her little pep talk, she assures me she wasn’t just blowing smoke, brought back into focus what I should have kept thinking about all along. Look at the positive and forget about the negative. So I didn’t pass a test. Yes, it hurt, but it wasn’t the end of the world. It just means I have to study harder, pay the money to retake it, and master the shit out of it. 🙂 I might not get 100, but the next time I take it, I won’t get a 65 either. Then I can be an official personal trainer. And start working on the Fitness Nutrition Specialist test. Although I have until February 2016. Whew.

I’m focused, back on track, and paying attention to myself. I still have my goals to meet and I will get there. My 2015 goal is to be able to fit into my gym t-shirt. It’s a 3x and I’m currently in a 4x. I want to be able to wear it in public. It will happen. Remain focused and keep moving forward. I can’t guarantee that there won’t be other bumps along the way, but I can hope that it will only be a bump and not a derailment.

409

That’s what I weigh right now. 409lbs. That’s horrifying. Why is it? Because in September I weighed in at 388. That’s a 21 pound weight GAIN in two months. Do you know how much work has to go in to losing 21 pounds because I do. Do you know how quickly you can gain that lost weight back? I do. You have shitty things happen in your life and you lose focus. My Nana passed away on November 8th and I comforted myself for a week (or more) with funeral food, casseroles, sweets, boneless wings, sliced sausages, etc. You name it, if it was at the house, I ate it. It didn’t even have to be at home – eating anywhere, I was not eating ‘right’.  Honestly, I can’t even ‘blame’ the weight gain on the funeral food. I wasn’t eating great before then and I had slacked off in a big way at the gym. I quit going in the mornings and wasn’t really committed in the afternoons. I’d like to say it’s because my trainer has temporarily moved to Dallas and isn’t in the gym pushing me. But he isn’t the one losing weight.  In reality – those are all excuses. It’s my own fault that I’ve gained 21 fucking pounds. I let my mental self interfere with my physical self. It’s stunning how easy it is to gain weight when it takes you so very long to lose it.

My trainer was in town this past week and I was talking to him Monday about how I know I’ve gained weight but I wasn’t panicked because I know I’ll lose it. Then I quietly stepped on the scale and was immediately horrified. I planned on not telling a soul because A. I didn’t want to see that look on their faces. You know the one that shows disappointment or their own horrified reaction. and B. because I was just ashamed of putting that much weight on in such a short amount of time. But you know what – if I am as honest as I have been about losing weight, I need to be just as honest in the tough times and gaining weight. So I told people. My sisters, Mom, co-workers, friends, and my trainer. I don’t want to disappoint these people, but more importantly, I don’t want to disappoint myself so I told them to keep myself accountable. Not so they can police my food (please don’t! That’s a good way to piss me off) but so if I’m offered something tasty and on my personal list of foods to avoid, they will know why. And possibly not offer those tasty delights. Ha! Losing weight is a struggle. It is not easy. If it was, there wouldn’t be an obesity epidemic. The weight loss industry wouldn’t rake in billions of dollars each year. I’ve learned that I cannot just work out and eat whatever. I cannot eat right and not work out. For me, I have to do both. Eat better and work out. There is no either/or. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve done and I’m re-committed to eating the way I did before September. I’m back in the gym full time. Right now my goal is making it to the gym everyday. Once that’s back on track, I’ll go back to two a days. I’m back to eating what I’m supposed to…and whoa, right before Thanksgiving? Smart. Haha…Although I did have pizza last night for dinner. Poor planning and waiting until I was beyond hungry to eat something. I did have a salad with it, so that has to add a plus in my favor. Right? 🙂

I just want you all to know that it’s not all roses and sunshine when you’re losing weight. It’s not easy and there are pitfalls and downsides. But it’s the getting back up when you’ve fallen down that is important. Don’t stay down. Take a minute, breathe deep, and get your ass back on track. So tomorrow when the country is using Thanksgiving as an excuse to eat like it’s their job, I’ll have a taste of this and a taste of that, but I will spend more time out of the kitchen talking with family and friends than I will be with filling my plate. Isn’t that the point of the holiday anyway? Being thankful for the people you have in your life? Not eating until you pass out in a food coma.

So, there it is party people. The not so pretty truth. Just remember – even though things happen and life gets in your way, don’t let it keep you there. Dust yourself off and get back to eating your chicken and veggies.

Choices.

Hey there! Long time, no write. I got side tracked. I lost focus. Almost gave up. I almost chose to quit the gym this week. Thankfully I have some determined cheerleaders in my corner that talked me from the ledge. I’ve felt lost lately, just kind of like not really knowing why I’m doing this or rather, not feeling like I’m worth doing this. Not worthy of all the hard work and dedication. It’s definitely easier to give up. To give in. To say, to hell with all this…I’m going to eat what I want and just stay overweight forever. I was choosing to take the easy path. I was choosing to not believe in myself. I’ve felt like a fraud for a few weeks too. Everyone around me is going on about how great I look and how my new clothes make it to where you can really tell I’ve lost weight. I smile and say thanks but I felt like a fraud. Like I wasn’t worthy of their compliments. Why is that? I should smile and feel amazing. My hard work is paying off. People are taking notice. I guess I didn’t feel worthy because I knew I was giving up. I knew that eventually they would see I was eating a little more here and there or if not eating more, I was eating the ‘wrong things’. They would eventually see I started wearing my bigger clothes again instead of my slimmer, prettier clothes. I haven’t totally gone back to the way I was almost 12 months ago, but I definitely recognized I was headed to that path. Part of it is I don’t feel like I have any accountability. My trainer has temporarily moved to Dallas to be with his wife while she fought for her life and the life of their (then) unborn daughter. (Thankfully she is here and thriving! His wife is doing so much better too! God is great.) So my someone to answer to wasn’t around and I guess it was one of those, while the cat’s away, the mice will play kind of thing? I’ve slacked off in a major way and that’s not okay with me. I’m mad at myself and more than a little worried. Logically I know I have only myself to answer to and I’m doing this for myself, but I haven’t trusted myself to do what I need to do without having someone watching over me. I’ve let my past creep in and go back to old habits of eating when I’m upset/mad/worried…I’ve been frustrated in the gym and with life in general. I went on a couple job interviews and nothing came of it, I’m not where I want to be personally, and blah, blah, blah. I shared my fears/worries with a couple of people and I check in with one of them daily. I was asked some tough questions about why I felt unmotivated, not worthy, and what did I think God thought of me. Honestly I felt like God saw me as a failure because I was giving up (almost), and not valuing myself. I’ve just felt unworthy. I know it sounds silly, but feelings are pretty powerful.

So here I am back at 392lbs. I’m setting short term goals as well as long term goals. First off, I am going to get back to 388lbs. That’s my goal for this next week. My daily goal is to be in the gym back to my regular schedule. I am switching it up a little bit by going in earlier in the morning. I want to go to the 5:30 p.m. classes in the evenings but I’m worried if I don’t go right after work I’ll sit at home and think of reasons to not go that day. (there are always a million of those.) I think I have something in place that will work. I’m going to try it out Monday and see where I end up. My long term goal is to lose the rest of this weight. I have 180lbs to go. I’ve lost 112 so far and did it within a year, so as I push myself to continue, I know I will kick the rest of this weight to the curb. I really just need to stop letting this weight get in my way. Stop letting myself get in my way. I have some amazing friends/family, a host of cheerleaders, and people I’m not even aware of who are pulling for me. We will continue on this journey together. It’s hard, but I can do it.  I am choosing to love me and be the best me I can.

Just Keep Swimming.

It’s been a tough week. Mentally. Ever since the other night when I let what those jerks said bother me, I’ve been struggling. It seems like there’s been one comment after another, either by someone else or by me, that I have let take up space. First it was the store, then the clothing store and trying on clothes, then this kid at Target. I was checking out the baby section and I heard this little boy chatting it up with his mom. I sometimes cringe when I hear kids at the store because I know what’s coming. They came around the corner and he said, “That lady is HUGE!” More than a few times. I, of course, pretend like I can’t hear him and his mother is immediately pulling him to the other aisle. I hear her tell him how you do not say that about people and how it can hurt their feelings. Way to go mom. 🙂 It still doesn’t ease the fact that I wish the floor would have swallowed me up in that instant. I know he’s just a kid and kids always state the obvious, so why do I let it bother me? Why have I let everything bother me this week? I can usually do a good job of ignoring or not letting it get to me that much, but this week has been one big epic fail. I’ve let my confidence slip and while I haven’t come completely off the rails, I have thought on a couple of occassions that maybe I’m not worth it. Which is bullshit. Deep down I know all of this is worth it and one day there won’t be any outward appearance for people to comment on or maybe it will be something different. You know btg, before the gym, I would have made myself feel ‘better’ by eating my way through it. That’s how I got to be over 500lbs. Eating to feel better. That too is bullshit. Over eat, feel like crap, over eat some more. Vicious cycle. I haven’t made the best choices this week but it hasn’t been completely off track either. I had a possibly impossible goal of getting to 389 by August 1st. That’s tomorrow and when I weighed in this morning I was at 396. One pound down since last Friday. Bummer. I wonder if it’s self sabotage? Like eventhough I know this is the best thing for me, I still go back to thinking I don’t deserve the good things. I know it will get better. This week will end and I’ll move on from the negativity. I’ll get back on track and work out even harder. (this week has been lax in that dept too.) Maybe it’s just an off week. Whatever it is, I need to focus and just keep swimming.

Finally…a picture.

weight loss photo weight loss photo 2

 

 

Okay, so here is my first side by side comparison. The 2013 photo was taken for my audition to be on Extreme Makeover Weight loss edition. I weighed 500+ lbs and that’s actually what I looked like when I started at the gym in October. The second photo was taken this morning, 7/23/14 and I currently weigh 397 lbs. While I still have a lot of weight to lose to get to my overall goal, I can’t believe how far I’ve come in a short amount of time. I’ve been at the gym for 9 months now and I cannot wait to see how much my today picture is going to change in the next 9 months. In looking at last year’s photo, it makes me teary eyed because how could I have let myself get to that point? It makes me sad for the Sara of last year. But you can’t spend your time in the past. What’s done is done and all you can do is continue to move forward and make better choices. You deserve better. I deserve better.

 

Mental Case and a Week/end Wrap Up.

Happy Monday party people! Did you have a good weekend? I did. Scratch that. I had a great weekend. Curious what I did? Good, I’ll tell you all about it. Saturday I had the honor of babysitting B. She’s my 7 month old niece and man is she a honey! When I pick up my camera to take her picture she makes the funniest faces and gets her ‘pretty face’ ready. She is a hoot! Later that evening I again had the honor of going to a gender reveal party for Jake & Nicole. She’s pregnant with their little miracle baby and everyone found out at the same time that they are expecting a sweet baby girl. It was a great party! They already have a precious 5 yr old and to say she’s excited about having a sister is an understatement. It is so cute to witness how over the moon she really is for her little sister. Kids are great. Speaking of, I should have said at the beginning of the weekend my nieces came to stay for the weekend. Love those girls so much and it feels like it’s been an eternity since I’ve seen them. They are growing up so fast. It would be nice if time would slow down just a smidge. 🙂

Sunday was a phenominal day. It was the day for the church cookout and baptisms. When it was first mentioned a few weeks ago, I thought that it would be a great thing to get baptized. I know I was baptized when I was a child, but I don’t remember it and I think now that I’m older and learning more about God it would have a deeper meaning. Basically it means more now. But then I started thinking that I would be a fraud because I don’t know a lot about the bible. I thought I had to know x,y,&z about all of it before being baptized. So I put it out of my mind and thought one day I will. One day when I know more. Then I talked to Jake on Friday about my reservations and he pretty much squashed whatever they were and so I told him that I wanted to get baptized. Of course, me being me, I was super nervous from that moment on. But like it was pointed out to me on Saturday evening, everything that I have been super nervous about lately has turned into great things. True. Sunday morning came and goodness I was a bundle of nerves. Hands shaking, couldn’t hold onto a thought, felt like I was going to throw up, all of it. I even backed into Jake & Nicole’s car when we were all leaving for the lake. Thankfully no damage or injuries. Then once at the lake I pinched my finger in my camera bag clasp. Good grief! I needed to calm down. It was a pretty good turn out which on one hand is a good thing, on the other hand and personally, it didn’t do anything to calm my nerves. My nieces and Lauren were there and my brother William and nephew Brady came as well. That was a lovely surprise. Lauren said she was glad I was so nervous because it meant I was taking it seriously. Once it started I was calm. Well, okay. Once I was in the water and Jake started talking, I was calm. It really was such a cool experience and I will be forever thankful that I did it. I joked sometime during the week about how when you come up out of the water will there be rainbows and bright lights but there really is just this calm feeling. Could be that I was just relaxed that it was done, but I feel like it was more than it just being complete. It’s not really something I can explain, but the rest of the day was amazing. Great times with really good great friends. I really feel like I am making life long connections. That is truly amazing.

Now for the mental case. Losing weight. Yes it’s a physical process but I believe it’s 95% mental. You have to completely change the way you think about eating, how you see yourself, how you think or feel about exercising, etc. Once you’re at the gym, working out is easy. Well, not completely easy or you’re doing it wrong or not enough, but I mean once you’re there, the hardest part is accomplished. It’s the getting there that is hard. I haven’t really felt that in going to the gym, but it can apply to all sorts of places. Coming to work, going grocery shopping, doctor’s appts, etc. Once you get there, you’re on easy street. (again, I know there is work involved, but you get it right?) In the gym, you might as well work out. You got in your car, drove all that way, you can do anything for 30 seconds. At least. Get your mind in the right place and there is no stopping you on what you can do. It doesn’t have to do with just driving to a gym. It’s your mental state where food is concerned. I’ve had an issue with food for forever. Happy, sad, mad, etc food was there. When you’re losing weight you have to view it as a means to keep on living. Not something fun or as an event. It’s what keeps you alive. That’s it. Yes, you want to eat tasty stuff, but healthy can be pretty tasty. You’re eating to live, not living to eat. If and or when the scale isn’t your friend, don’t beat yourself up. It’s just a number and it’s not going to stay on that set of numbers forever. If you know you’ve had a good week and the numbers don’t reflect that, you might have built up muscle. Don’t get hung up on the number. (I’m talking to myself here too.) I’m hanging out at 402 right now. It’s driving me nuts because it seems like I’ve been here for a while. I have three pounds to lose until I’m in the 300’s. I thought for sure I would get there last week, but it didn’t happen. While I was bummed that it didn’t happen, I’m not beating myself up because I know it will happen. I’m not letting anything negative influence me where I might have before, like eating to feel better. That doesn’t work. Never does, never will. It’s going to happen this week. I just know it. I’m working on not being a mental case.

Great things are happening in my life and not just in the weigh loss department. I hope great things are happening for you. Don’t focus on the negative. Positive thoughts lead to positive action. You can do it. Whatever the ‘it’ is. Have a lovely day party people!

Weekend wrap up and 8 months completed.

Happy Monday party people. How was your weekend? Doesn’t it always seem like it goes by in a blink? This past weekend I had a cookout planned for family and friends I have made through the gym and from church at the gym. (yes church at the gym. It’s actually quite awesome. You should come sometime. Sunday at 10a.m. 6420 W. Memorial Road, OKC, OK) Actually let’s start with Friday. Friday I weighed in and I didn’t lose a pound last week. Still 410. It’s a little, maybe a lot, frustrating but the bright side is that I didn’t gain anything. That is a definite plus. In thinking about what I ate, I didn’t have any chicken, hardly any veggies, and I ran out of eggs Tuesday or Wednesday morning. So I was missing a lot of the protein I normally eat and really didn’t replace it with much. Lauren told me, You know you can lose weight by eating other things than just chicken. Haha…I know. It’s just what has been working with me. I was off my schedule or routine and that’s the difference. Anyway, I was in a weird mindset Friday and ate like a stoned college kid. Not so smart breakfast of a pulled pork sandwich, but lunch was even worse. Chinese food! It’s been actual months since I’ve eaten that crap. 8 months ago I was eating Chinese about once a week or at least every two weeks. I really can’t believe I ate it but I wanted to go to lunch with my friends and I was tired of always saying “No, I’m going home for lunch.” Hell, I was kind of feeling like a fat girl. Well hello fat girl. I didn’t go overboard (like before) but I didn’t really enjoy eating it either. Probably because I know how much hard work goes into losing weight, and really every bite that’s all I could think about. How hard I was going to have to work to get rid of that food. And wouldn’t you know it…that was the first afternoon in a while that Jake asked what I had for lunch. I couldn’t even look him in the face but I was honest and told him, albeit very sheepishly, what I ate. It’s not like he would have gotten mad or anything, at least I don’t think so. It’s just an awful feeling knowing you have someone who wants only the best and you mess it up by eating crap. I stepped on the scale to see what damage was done and it read 412. The only silver lining on that is that it was just 2 pounds and not a whole lot more like I was expecting. No more junk food. 😉

Saturday was the day of the cookout. It was a frenzied getting everything ready, hoping everyone shows up, let’s have a good time day. Lots of people showed and seemed to really enjoy themselves. I love having people over/hosting parties. The only drawback is that I always seem to be doing something and don’t really get a lot of time to visit with everyone. A huge thank you goes to Mom and my brothers. Mom for all the help with getting it together and putting food together. William & Patrick for taking care of the grilling. Huge thanks! It was a good time. What wasn’t smart on my part is that I didn’t wear my ankle brace. At all. The entire day. I didn’t think anything of it because I normally don’t on the weekends, but I also don’t run around a lot like I did on Saturday. Yesterday morning it let me know that I still have issues. I fell asleep in the recliner Saturday night (shock surprise!) and woke up around 2:30 or 3 and could hardly walk. My right knee didn’t want to bend and my entire left ankle was on fire. It was definitely a struggle to make it into my room and then even a few hours to try and go back to sleep. When I finally did go to sleep and then wake up for church, I actually thought about not going because it hurt so bad to walk. Even not doing anything it hurt. I went to church but almost left a couple of times because I just couldn’t focus. It was hurting that bad. If it wouldn’t have made a scene I probably would have gone home. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around after it was over and limped quietly out the door. The rest of the day was spent keeping it propped up on pillows and alternating between ice packs and no ice. Nothing has really helped but I kept trying to remember what Jake said in church. Instead of asking God for anything this week, just thank Him. Thank you God for the healing that is going to happen in my knee and ankle. I repeated that all the way home and continued with it throughout the day. Mom also taught me, God is love. So I said that a lot. On repeat. All day. It’s hard to not focus on the pain radiating from my ankle, but that’s what I’ve tried to do. Focus on other things.

This morning it was feeling okay. Not great but there wasn’t shooting pain so I got ready for the gym. It was pouring outside so I fast walked to the car. Wrong idea. What’s a little rain water over a hurt ankle? All the way to the gym I kept thinking I should turn around and that I had zero business going to work out. But I kept talking myself out of it and went in anyway. I told Jake about it so all the exercises that would annoy my ankle were changed. More modifications. 🙂 Anyway, that was my weekend. A lot of fun and some annoying injuries.

Oh!! Saturday marked my 8 months at the gym. I can’t believe where my life is right now. I am continually surprised that I keep working out and that I am working on making better food choices. I don’t know where I would be if Kristi hadn’t answered Jake’s post on Facebook, but I know I would be 100 pounds heavier than I am now and miserable.

I wonder where I will be 8 months from now?

A day of firsts.

Today I had a few firsts happen….1. I didn’t go to the gym this morning. Gasp! I had intentions and I was prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was waking up all night long. We’re talking like every hour or every thirty minutes. There was a pretty spectacular storm raging outside so maybe that had something to do with it, I don’t know. I do know that when my alarm went off at 4:10 a.m. I was less than thrilled to get up. But get up I did. However, I could not keep my eyes open for the life of me. I tried and then threw in the towel. I didn’t think it would bother me much but I felt a little off all day. Kind of like how you feel when you think you have forgotten something or felt like there was something you should be doing. That was me today. My second first…I was the first one finished in the afternoon training session! Holy smokes I couldn’t believe. Too be  fair, I’ve been at it a little longer than my two friends and I’m kind of used to it because it was designed like a lot of stuff we do in the mornings. We had to do four rounds of six different exercises and I did it! In 23 minutes and 44 seconds. That was another first. Having a time like that. I had to look at the stop watch a few times to make sure it was 23 and not 33. My friends did an amazing job and we all finished a tough workout. A lot of creaky knees and my arm fat slapping together. Is that ever going to go away?? Anyway, I didn’t want to gloat about being done first (because that’s tacky) but inside I was shouting. I wasn’t last for once. I am always the last one in the morning class. Always. That’s fine because you aren’t competing with the other people (trying not to) , you’re competing with yourself. At least I am. Mostly. 🙂 I will have to give a little shout out to my buddy M.E. because she was nervous to do a box jump and even as nervous as she was, she did it! Just proves that you can do anything you set your mind on doing. It was fun cheering them on and I’m proud of them for making it through. Good job ladies!! Speaking of these two, we are all in a Biggest Loser challenge on Facebook. It started last Friday and you weigh in each Friday morning. After 6 weeks whoever has lost the biggest percentage wins half the money in the pot. Not a bad deal for losing weight. Right? There are monetary penalties if you gain or maintain, so it’s always beneficial to lose, but what a fun way to stay accountable and possibly win some cash at the end. And the last first today…I got approved for my first credit card. Woot, woot. Sure at 40 you would think I would have at least one, but nope. Here’s to fixing my credit and being an adult. Ha. I can’t wait to write about buying my first house. That’s on the horizon people.

Oh! I weighed yesterday and I am 9 pounds from the 300’s. 9 pounds! That is going to happen in the next two weeks. It will be lovely if I can write next week that I’m 3–. Pretty amazing how incredible my life has changed and continues to change. I’m forever thankful and definitely blessed. Happy Thursday party people!

One more Oh! Jake has moved the Saturday bible study to Sunday at 10 a.m. Last week was the first one and it was great. There was a good turn out and even my younger brother and his family came. If you’re looking for a non church church, you should definitely come by and check it out. You won’t be disappointed. It’s an informal, relaxed atmosphere where a group of people get together to learn about the grace of God. See you Sunday?

Commitment.

com¡mit¡ment
kəˈmitmənt
noun
   ‘the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc’
In anything you do, you need to have commitment. Losing weight, working at your job, being in a relationship, whatever. For me, I’m committed to working out and losing weight. I’m in this for the long haul, for life actually. This past week I’ve thought a lot about what it takes to lose weight. Partly I’ve been asked how I’m doing it, but really I’ve just been thinking a lot about what it is that I’ve been doing. There isn’t a magic pill or a quick anything. It’s plain old diet and exercise. Shocker! I’m sure all that weight loss crap out there on the market could help and it’s possibly helped you. That’s awesome. I’ve tried various things in the past and yeah they work for a minute and then I give up or it’s found that it’s not safe and then I gain back what I lost, plus some. I lost my commitment. I did Weight Watchers in 2008. I did it for a solid 10 months and lost 75 pounds. Jan – Oct. Towards the end of October, I gained a tenth of a pound and the following week I gained a little more. I let that derail all the ‘good’ I accomplished in those 10 months. Needless to say, I gained back the 75 lbs and probably at least another 25. I’m not really sure. I got huge again. Anyway, I always talked about needing to lose weight and I’m going to do this and that, but I never did. I knew I needed to do something, but it still didn’t motivate to really get out there and do something about it. Until last year. If you know me or have read any of this blog, you know all about that. I’ve been at this now for 7 months and I still enjoy it. In the beginning I didn’t really know what to think, but I certainly never thought I would find such satisfaction in working out. In sweating like a hostage. Every day. Ha! Seriously. This girl sweats like no one’s business. I usually look like I just walked through a car wash.
The difference this time around is that I am fully, 100% committed. I show up on days when I don’t really feel like it. (That’s only happened a couple times) I work out when I’m in a funk, rain or shine. I have a goal in mind and I’m not going to let me talk myself out of it. To date, I’ve lost 73 lbs since that beautiful October day. Woo Hoo! That’s one of the goals I’ve had in mind – to lose 75 lbs in less than 10 months. To beat my WW goal. I’m two pounds a way from meeting that goal. I’m going to reach that goal and continue on to the others.
Trust me, I know how easy it is to make up an excuse and say “I’ll go tomorrow” or “I’m only missing one day” etc. Actually I had that thought this week. Thursday morning I thought about sleeping in. I was meeting a friend at the gym and so I got up and went. She was unable to make it and I said throughout the day, man I could have slept in. Hahaha….even as I was saying it, I knew there wasn’t any way I would have slept in. It sounds good in theory, but I know I was going to be there no matter what. I want to lose weight too bad to sleep in. Plus I don’t really enjoy sleep all that much. (weird I know!)
I guess I’m saying all of this to say – if you want it bad enough, find your commitment and don’t let anything get in your way. It’s not always going to be perfect and there are certainly going to be tough days, but that’s when you for sure need to keep going. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t allow others to rain on your parade. Know that what you are doing is for you and to better your life.
Be committed. It’s definitely worth it. You are worth it!